Toughest Mudder Midwest

TOUGHEST MIDWEST

fame at last

Unlike the other 5 Toughest races where I flew in the same day to save on hotel costs, this time I arrived on  Friday at noon from San Diego.   Midway airport was just under 2 hours to Rockford, Ill. so  I had plenty of time to actually drive the speed limit and look at trees and for Illinois stuff.  Also very unlike past races this time I had an interview with Sean Corvelle in person and the CBS Sports crew that were filming part Four of the Toughest Series that will air on Oct 28th covering Toughest Mudder Midwest. 

Initially when I got the request I immediately felt I shouid reiterate  that I wasn't Mark Jones--the totally legit OCR racer who had already qualified twice as an  Elite Contender for Worlds Toughest.   I didn't want to steal his much deserved limelight.  But it turned out that the interview really had to do with me doing all 6 of the Toughests 8 hour events in San Bernardino, CA, Atlanta GA,, Grantham UK, Philadelphia PA, Whistler Canada and now Rockford Illinois along with Jim "Da Goat" Campbell, Sarah Knight and Mellisa "Shark Bait" Dugan, being 50 years old and still doing OCR, going for the coveted Holy Grail win, being newly affiliated with TEAM RUBICON and also, yeah, probably a little something to do with my background in the Navy.

Pre race

On Saturday at 0745 I ran the Tougher Mudder race which I talked myself into doing the night before.  TM Ambassador Joe Perry had told me to just walk it and have fun.  The Goat Jim Campbell had tried to recruit me to carry a 100 lb version of Will Dean's new book It Takes a Tribe with a crew of die hard Mudders but Noo!  When the horn sounded I was off sprinting like the knucklehead I am.  I wanted to test out an ankle brace a physical therapy buddy  had given me after spraining my ankle a couple days before, check out the race course, gain some Holy Grail points and get rid of some pre race anxiety.  In hindsight, I shouldn't have done the Tougher, let alone race it!  Afterwards my legs were stiff as boards and my heart rate was all out of whack. Perfect! I tried to sleep throughout the day but didn't.  I ate a big lunch and watched four movies that had already started and ate some more.  Before I knew it I was driving to the race site.

Shark Bait stretching

Oh what a lot of Mudders there are

Most of the expected 1000 plus racers were already standing in the alphabeticalized registration lines when I arrived at 845pm.  All I really remember from that waiting process was that one awesome TMHQ staff member who I saw at all the other Toughest races (and who is really good at projecting her voice). This time she was yelling something about "Don't be a Dick!"  Hilarious.  That would be my mantra all night!  I picked up my bib and joined the rush as we all rushed towards the Pitt - a big white tent that I recognized from 12 hours earlier when I had checked my $10 bag. 

Lets start already

The CBS/TM camera crew wanted to see out how I set my gear up.  This time I was actually prepared with neat little rows of Ensure (chocolate is my favorite and no I'm not sponsored!!) and several packets of assorted baby food squeeze bags.  I had a box of Clif bars I knew I probably wouldn't touch, a half-eaten container of blueberries, one gallon of water and two quarts of Gatorade.  For emergencies only I had a bottle of Diet Coke and some assorted gels. For warmth I had my full 3mm wetsuit and a 2mm neoprene top on standby by. I'd overheated in past Toughests and the forecast was showing high of 67 and low of 62 with rain around 0600 so I swore I wouldn't wear one unless I was desperate.  I talked to the camera guy like I knew what I was doing, made some shit up and suddenly felt almost famous for a second.

At 11:40 we went to the starting corral.  I wore my long swim parka to stay warm with a few Tough Mudder balloons in my pocket which I inflated and tossed into the air for fun only to have the wind take them into a barbed wire fence and pop!   Boo!  We were read the rules by Eli and then Sean did his thing levitating into the air and inspiring us.  Sean doesn't really need to say anything.  He could just stand in the middle of a crowd and we would be motivated.  I felt more relaxed than usual. Almost sleepy relaxed and the realization that I was going to be going at it again for 8 plus hours wasn't sinking in until the starting horn sounded and we were off.  Oh no!  My legs didn’t feel right and my heart was beating way to fast and irregular!  I was doomed!

Sean the Mirror Man

Run Forest Run

I already knew this was a flat course. Also I knew it would be a frenzied pace off the front to play keep away and stay ahead of the throngs of racers. The biggest fear I think most of the top Elite Mudders had was getting stuck in long lines. Lines equal time.  Time equals money. Toughests and Toughers are not at all like regular Tough Mudders in that rarely if ever is there a line for an obstacle.  With the threat of 1000 plus Toughest Mudders (actually only 860 or so turned up) there was a great chance of bottle necking and slow downs.  I can tell you right now though post race (spoiler alert I finished!) the longest I had to wait was 15 seconds at Hangtime.  Amazing!  (And I never use the word amazing!)

Swim anyone?

The first hour like all the other Toughests was a "free lap". Yeay to No obstacles!  We got to weave and breeze past Tube Tied (think large plastic pipe about 20 feet long), Skid Marked,  Mud Mile 2.0, Kiss of Mud and the legendary Block Ness but Midwest had a nice little surprise for us called Kishwaukee Krusade (The Kush) which was a 50-meter river crossing with water depth between 2-6 feet and a swift 4 knot current.  I had experienced this earlier in the day during the Tougher and the first time through I thought, "Finally an obstacle for me! I swim, that is what I do!"  I began freestyle swimming and got 3/4 across when the current pushed me into one of the guide ropes. Lifeguards on a little raft were standing by and told me to grab on so I did and pulled myself to shore. I'm sure they made more than a few rescues that day and for sure that night.  So now we were all wet and naturally where there was water there was also mud and that's where the night truly started!

I swore I would not wear a wetsuit the entire race and so far so good.  The river was in the mid 70 degree range and all the water obstacles were about the same except for Arctic Enema which was the usual unpleasant 40-50 degrees depending which vat you went into.  After the river dip was Augustus Gloop with a volunteer spouting off Trivial Persuit questions. Classic!  Black Hole (Birth Canal), Stage 5 Clinger (actually Reach Around which is easier), Operation (oh no!), Arctic Enema and right into Funky Monkey.  We kept skipping obstacles and I didn’t mind.  Hangtime was next, then T-Boned (think Berlin Walls with a nice ledge), Everest 2.0 (with ropes), Pyramid Scheme (also with ropes) and Kong.

My first 5 mile lap was miserable with my locked calves and my catywampus heart beat but was still around :47 so I skipped the Pitt and ambled right into lap Two.  The obstacles were opening at random intervals and I wanted to clear as many as I could before I turned into a pumpkin.  I dove into the Kush for my second swim and this time breastroked the entire length like a champ and then zombied through the mud sludge.  I managed to clear Funky and Arctic before they opened up but stil I felt rough and not in sync with my body.  Scores of Mudders, some I knew, passed me like I was standing still.  After my second loop I pitted for the first time, slammed two Ensures and was back on course in less than two minutes.

Improvise, Adapt and Overcome

I felt moments of searing pain followed by complete euphoria and back to pain again.  At times  I didn’t even realize where I was, just that I was only moving forward.  Mud Mile had opened and like some of the previous Toughests races I'd done there were large gaps that had been formed in the mud mounds by earlier waves of Tough Mudders making the eight traverses easy to do solo.  The mud trail, however, leading out from it got more and more slick each time and added 2-4 pounds of muck to each shoe.  The whole night I dreaded one obstacle: Operation!  I associate Operation with EST and Electric Eel which I also associate with my own demise. Electricity knocks me unconscious and that is why I call Operation the Sand Bag carry penalty. But at Midwest things were different.  I was told earlier and then Eli told us point blank at the starting line that the penalty for skipping Operation was an additional mile.  I weighed the options.  My calves felt strained and the last thing I wanted was more superflous mileage.  

As I approached Operation I spotted my dedicated camera man Adam who was there to exclusiviely film me tackle my nemisis.  Darn, now I felt like I had just been Triple Dog Dared and I had to do it!  I nervously grabbed the metal pole and approached the 7-foot wood wall.  I tried to tone out the screams from the other victims which made the whole process worse.  I glanced to my right and saw far across the corn fields a faint glow of head lamps of all the Mudders who had opted out, or worse, failed and then had to take the penalty anyway.  "F" it I'm in, so let’s get her done!  I was commited.  I held the pole tight and focused on its position with regard to the metal ring around the perimeter of the cut out which seemed smaller than other Operation set-ups I’d seen.  All I had to do was stick the pole through the hole and hook a shower curtain ring hanging off a nail.  Simple right?  I really focused extra hard trying to ignore the TV camera lodged in my face.  I probably had my tongue hanging out the whole time. I hooked the first ring and it fell off.  I hooked another and ever so carfully pulled the pole and ring back through the hole.  It was painstakingly slow.  I really was concerned a shock would kill me or worse cause me not to finish! Another mudder had entered the stall next to me and I told him if I he got me shocked I’d kill him. My ring cleared the hole with no shock and I felt like I had overcome a tremendous hurdle. I would go on to do that four more times that night.  Apparently Midwest female winner Allison Tai also overcame Operation for the first time that night, so good for her.

Going fishing

I didn’t have any luck at Funky Monkey on any of my four attempts.  On my third try I made it to the second large wheel and slipped into the Gatorade looking (not tasting) water and came up sans head light. This was not good.  It was my only headlight!  I did what any desperate former Navy SEAL Toughest Mudder would do: began diving for it.  I told the lifeguard who didn’t seem too concerned and started doing 20 second dives six feet down with hands swashing back and forth blindly in the dark water. I hit something and brought it up.  Goggles!  There really is a God! I put them on and searched some more sweeping left and right.  I was still dark but my eyes didn't sting.  This time I stayed down longer and found three pairs of sunglasses, two headbands and a Go Pro.  By then other mudders were crossing Monkey and failing like I was. Two of them I recogized as buddies: Pinky and Kailey Brodhacker. They joined me in the water and in my search and Pinky  offerred me her extra one back at the Pitt.  Grr!  I'd already wasted ten minutes in my search and desperately needed my headlamp.  Five more dives I finally found it and other stuff (wow, people sure do lose a ton of shit in that tank!).  Fifteen minutes had gone while I was submerged and now I was shivering for the first time in this race. I tried to run it off but my legs were starting to lock up again. I thought for sure I would only get 20 miles tonight!

Twilight Zone

Things happen when doing an event like this. Time slows down and then speeds up.  Reality gets distorted and your mind plays tricks on you.  Some are fun and some are not.  At Kong I opted to use my arms in the rings instead of my no grip hands.  This was painful and I have bruises to prove it but it worked.  The 60 year-old lady in front of me who nailed it using just her hands was a huge inspiration! Probably a former pro rock climber!

I came to the fifteen mile mark and was surprised it was only just after 3am. I had 5.5 hours left to race.   I headed to the Pitt and slammed another Ensure and squuezed down two Gerber baby food squeeze bags without reading the label.  Peas and carrots was the first one and then Chicken Pot Pie.  I disguised the taste with a generous amount of Gatorade and out the Pitt I went.  And that is how Pitt stops were done.  No time wasted or time to think, get comfortable or contemplate resting or God forbid quitting.  Several in the tent were already done.  They sat or stood with blank stares on their faces wondering what they had gotten themselves into.

Outside a few Mudders had gathered around the lure of an open fire but I moved passed them.  That  fire was like one of those Sirens that calls to you and once it catches you it is almost impossible to get away. I promised myeslf one more lap and then broke the promise when I finished and threre was too much time left on the clock and a TV crew filming how tough I was!  (Funny, I didn’t  feel Tough!!)

Making friends

Throughout the night adventure I’d chat with Mudders and volunteers I knew and ones I didn’t.  Some I spent 10 minutes with and some only a few seconds.  They were all vital. We were all in this together. I went from feeling down and alone to suddenly sprite and with family. My heart rate had finally setttled to what felt normal and my calves weren’t as strained.  I accomplished Hang Time for the second time ever and I was actually running and passing instead of being passed.   At one point Mark Jones passed me and I managed to chat alongside while moving at his pace for a full minute before leaving me in the dust.  Same thing happened with 2017 WTM 3^rd place finisher Morgan McKay who I followed into Arctic Enema and Funky Monkey.  She is zany funny and full of energy.  I envisioned her as that kid in 4^th grade that refused to come in off the playground after recess because she was still doing pull-ups! I watched as she did the monkey bars section and at the  large wheels she used her legs and hands and bounded through the obstacle easy peasy like well....a monkey!  I tried the same technique and winded up hanging upsidedown by both knees from the second big wheel.  Now what?  Eventually I fell back into the water.  Another wet penalty plus extra mileage for me alas!

I rounded Kong again via my arms and skipped the Pitt and went into lap five feeling oddly good.  Obstacles were becoming more fun.  I felt high and giddy and nothing mattered. At Blockness I was part of a trio turning the first block when Ryan Atkins came sailing through in his yellow leader bib.  The guy is fast and I have to tell you I was impressed that he took the time to help us through two rotations on both blocks pulling us over before moving on.  Now that is cool!  

I had finished my goal of 25 miles but there was still too much time on the clock to stop now.  I calculated that I could probably squeeze out another 5 miles in two hours despite really not wanting to.  At Philly I had 1:30 to do 5 miles on a much harder and hillier course. Here I had two hours plus the extra 30 minutes they allot us. I went on cruise mode.  Don’t get injured. Have fun. Make new friends. Be of service! At Philly I finished with only 15 seconds left on the clock!

Right before I went out I drank more Gatorade, ate another baby food and nibbled a Clif Bar.  I also took my beanie and headlamp off for good.  It was almost daylight.  I chatted with spectators and the camera crew. I ran even though I didn’t need to.  In hindsight I really should have focused on doing two more laps instead of one for a total of 35 but loser math prevailed or maybe it was my intuition that told me I was injured and would have to recover from all this.

At 7:23 I crossed the finish line dramatically leaping over a fire pitt with 30 miles.  The camera crew missed it of course and asked me to go back several yards and run it in again which felt silly but I complied.  One can only be famous once. It had been lightly raining for probably an hour but I hadn’t noticed til now.

I found my swim parka by the starting line and went back to the Pitt and packed up my gear.   I collected my 6^th Toughest badge and 25 mile patch and made a quiet departure to the parking lot where I spent another 20 minutes looking for my rental car. Those remote FOBs sure do help. I made it back to the the airport with 55 minutes to spare.

We are the champions

Ryan Atkins went on to win again.  He won $20k that day ($5k for first place, $5k for the 50 mile bonus and $10k for having the best mileage for three Toughest races).  Alison Tai secured the $10k three best Toughests bonus by hitting 45 miles and surpassing Ryan’s wife Lyndsi Webster’s  (who didn't attend Midwest due to another OCR commitment).

Four Horsemen:  Mark James, Sarah Knight, Mellisa Dugan and Jim Campbell

Lastly I'd like to give a shout out to my fellow 4 Horsemen (as the TM legendary Jim Campbell calls us) Jim, Sarah Knight and Mellissa “Shark Bait” Dugan who endured all six Toughest Mudders with me.  This was not easy. I spent a lot of money I don’t have. Spent time away from the family and beat myself up pretty good. Each race had its own story which I have tried to tell. I can’t wait to do it again next year!