Here I am: I just left London last night and am writing about Toughest South in Georgia which I actually did a month before doing Toughest Europe five days ago. Not ideal. I'm still hobbling around and just about to fly back to the States to do Toughest Northeast tonight and write about that tomorrow.
Like that movie Inception the three Toughests I've already endured are starting to blend like dreams and reality. A race report within a race report within a race...you get the picture. While the Toughests theme remains the same (a midnight start followed by 8 hours of Obstacle Racing in the dark with the all too familiar Tough Mudder obstacles) the locations and venues are very different. South was located at Bouckaert Farm in Atlanta, Georgia about a 45 minutes drive from the airport. I took a gamble by flying directly from San Diego to Atlanta on a direct late afternoon Southwest flight without bothering to get a hotel. I'm a Mudder after all and crave discomfort. It was a safe bet too as I landed at 7:45 and within an hour I had rented a car (they gave me a truck, actually, which was perfect) and was onsite when the gate opened. I would have been one of the first in line at registration too but I also went the cheap route getting General parking and had to walk about a mile to registration! And I hate walking!
Like that movie Inception the three Toughests I've already endured are starting to blend like dreams and reality. A race report within a race report within a race...you get the picture. While the Toughests theme remains the same (a midnight start followed by 8 hours of Obstacle Racing in the dark with the all too familiar Tough Mudder obstacles) the locations and venues are very different. South was located at Bouckaert Farm in Atlanta, Georgia about a 45 minutes drive from the airport. I took a gamble by flying directly from San Diego to Atlanta on a direct late afternoon Southwest flight without bothering to get a hotel. I'm a Mudder after all and crave discomfort. It was a safe bet too as I landed at 7:45 and within an hour I had rented a car (they gave me a truck, actually, which was perfect) and was onsite when the gate opened. I would have been one of the first in line at registration too but I also went the cheap route getting General parking and had to walk about a mile to registration! And I hate walking!
One Big Happy Family
The more Tough Mudders events I've done the more familiar faces I run into at the races and Toughests are no exception. Immediately I recognized Jonathan and Kailey Brodhacker wearing the same tribal face paint that I first saw them with a month prior at TM NOLA wondering if they had even washed it off or it was permanent. It turns out Jonathon's was and Kailey's wasn't!
Off in the brush trying to not so discreetly look for for a place to pee was fellow, "I'm going to do all 6 Toughests this year cuz I'm bad ass!" Melissa Dugan, fondly known as "Shark Bait". I suffered with her on more than one hill at Toughest West last month. Da Goat Jim Campbell, the grand pappy of TMs, in his stay-puff blue jacket, Colorado ball cap and shit-eating grin was there too probably signing autographs. I wonder if he'd sign one for me? I also spotted Joe Perry in the now long forming line due to his famous face paint he always sports in some dazzling display (clown paint he tells me stays on the best). Tonight he's got TM orange with red Ziggy Stardust stars around both eyes. Brilliant! No wonder these Mudders I just mentioned are all fellow TM Ambassadors! They too eat, live and breathe Tough Mudder!
And then there are those I don't know per se but usually always see: the Mudder who carries the life size card board cut out of a Mudder friend on her back; the guy with the plastic 3 foot Santa, the fireman, the guy with the axe, another who carries the American flag, the Speedo guy, the boys and girls wearing tutus, the guys with the yellow matching Dr. Seuss wigs or the guy in the gas mask known as Darth Vader. Only a few of this motley crew are actually here tonight but I look for them anyway and expect to find them. Together with Sean Corville, Clinton, Coach and E-Roc, they all recreate the Tough Mudder experience each time for me. I chatted with those around me getting the scoop on the course and waited as a billion gnats zipped about our heads attracted by the big bright floodlights nearby.
My final two laps on the second half of the course were almost duplicate with the exception of falling off a few more obstacles on the last lap and taking penalties usually consisting of more running in the grass sometimes with a sand bag. A half mile of open terrain led to Balls to the Wall which was more of a strain than it should have been. Augustus Gloop or Snot Rocket (depending on whether you had to go under a cage before the tube) provided a morning shower and way to rid some of the caked on Georgia mud that I'd only put right back on 1/4 mile later.
A mile later was Reach Around followed instantly by Stage 5 Clinger. The rails on Reach were slick and I failed the Muscle up to the top. I tried to do it again and slipped off. Wow that was pretty feeble and hurt too. This was probably my biggest obstacle struggle so far. I did end up getting it the first but not the second time. Doing the sister obstacle Clinger was easier a mere up and over. Another half mile of grass running I was swinging from the T-bar of Hang Time which I had dreaded after 2 failed attempts at West. But this time I grabbed on to the netting and immediately got my feet up and successfully made it over to transfer to the cable. The rest was easy to shimmy down. The second attempt I got cocky and didn't transition right and into the drink I went. Failure equals water and again meant more unnecessary mileage.
I was unpleasantly surprised to find the next obstacle was Hold Your Wood 2.0--appropriately named as the wood chunks were twice as heavy as the 1.0 version. I opted for a nice long deceivingly heavy piece of Oak and like an idiot tried to run with it and got all winded again. I was back to run/walking over the grassy hills of the farm land and made a note to find the secrets to race walking from one of those race walker guys I always see on my way to work each day. They move pretty fast for looking so.... uh... interesting !
Arctic Enema wasn't too bad chill wise although the double dunking I'm still getting used to. Mind you clear your head on the entry tube and the wood barrier you must go under or ouch! Also watch out for the submerged stairs at the end of the AE trough or they will bruise your shins. Another mile later I was able to thaw out enough to nail Funky Monkey both times but now know why my left shoulder has been aching since Toughest West. The transfer from the little wheel to the big wheel torques on it big time. Probably explains my inability to do pull ups besides my arms being too long! Alas another 1/4 mile penalty for that one!
We were back in the woods again which was ok because now I would be able to see all the Zombies. A small lake came into view and I wished aloud that nest would be the half mile swim. The two walking dead Mudders in ear shot range didn't find any humor in that. Carefully up and down Ladder to Hell and another mud stomp in Quagmire and then we came to Birth Canal and Black Hole which was my only line over 45 seconds of the day. Black Hole is basically Birth Canal but darker! Whatever.
Just before we reached the corrals my buddy Joe Perry passed me up and gave me some words of encouragement. His red star make up running down his face looked like tears. I tailed him a few seconds behind but took my time on Kong not wanting to do more penalty running that day or perchance they made EST the penalty like at West. I ended up once again with 30 miles just under 8 hours and earned "Contender" status again--Yeah! I collected the neat Toughest South patch and a 25 Mile patch and a free scoop of ice cream. Just kidding on the ice cream.
King Ryan Atkins had hit 50 miles once more earning him another cool $10k. His wife Lyndsi probably had a more impressive performance hitting 45 miles also getting $5k. Sheesh, I have work to do! I stuck around for the awards and champagne spray and then hauled my kit back the long dirt road back to my rental truck. Toughest South might just be the easiest Toughest of the 6 races. I kinda hope not.
Off in the brush trying to not so discreetly look for for a place to pee was fellow, "I'm going to do all 6 Toughests this year cuz I'm bad ass!" Melissa Dugan, fondly known as "Shark Bait". I suffered with her on more than one hill at Toughest West last month. Da Goat Jim Campbell, the grand pappy of TMs, in his stay-puff blue jacket, Colorado ball cap and shit-eating grin was there too probably signing autographs. I wonder if he'd sign one for me? I also spotted Joe Perry in the now long forming line due to his famous face paint he always sports in some dazzling display (clown paint he tells me stays on the best). Tonight he's got TM orange with red Ziggy Stardust stars around both eyes. Brilliant! No wonder these Mudders I just mentioned are all fellow TM Ambassadors! They too eat, live and breathe Tough Mudder!
And then there are those I don't know per se but usually always see: the Mudder who carries the life size card board cut out of a Mudder friend on her back; the guy with the plastic 3 foot Santa, the fireman, the guy with the axe, another who carries the American flag, the Speedo guy, the boys and girls wearing tutus, the guys with the yellow matching Dr. Seuss wigs or the guy in the gas mask known as Darth Vader. Only a few of this motley crew are actually here tonight but I look for them anyway and expect to find them. Together with Sean Corville, Clinton, Coach and E-Roc, they all recreate the Tough Mudder experience each time for me. I chatted with those around me getting the scoop on the course and waited as a billion gnats zipped about our heads attracted by the big bright floodlights nearby.
Let us in, let us in...
At 2130 registration officially opened up just in time for my mobile phone to die so I couldn't display my Eventbrite Toughest proof of registration. Also I forgot to bring that dreaded Waiver! Yes, that additional delay, folks, was me but please don't hate me for it! I got my bib and timing chip and followed the other lemmings to the Pitt area. Pitt set up was kinda fun in that we were assigned horse stalls to set our feet up which reminded me of when I used to go to horse back riding camp as a child. Actually, I never attended a camp my whole life and I dislike horses. We were 20-30 Mudders per stall which made for cramped quarters and it was only a matter of time before the Pitts spilled into the outer stall areas which were a far more convenient location to set up shop. The Mudder below me had two large pizzas and kindly offered me a slice to which I said thank you, but no. I was nervous that it would play a number on my stomach as most dairy does mixed with nervous tension. I did promise myself a slice post event though and was horrified to peek in both boxes 10 hours later only to find the toppings were pepperoni, sausage, green pepper and 10000 ants! Ew! I hate green peppers!
I staged my usual loot on the table: Gallon of water, a Nalgene of Tailwind, 12 oz bottle of Diet Coke and two cans of chicken noodle soup in easy to open cans. It knew it wasn't enough and I missed my six-pack of Ensure I didn't have time to get and didn't want to pack on the plane because obviously that's what bombs look like! Since it was really warm out I left the neoprene in my rental car and opted instead for compression wear socks/shorts/short sleeve and arms arms and SC3 shoes a little worse for wear. I made sure I had my timing chip on my wrist, my bib on (name front or back I never know), a headlamp with strobe and a black knit hat I'd toss just before crossing the start. Like Shark Bait I too wanted to look bad ass!
I staged my usual loot on the table: Gallon of water, a Nalgene of Tailwind, 12 oz bottle of Diet Coke and two cans of chicken noodle soup in easy to open cans. It knew it wasn't enough and I missed my six-pack of Ensure I didn't have time to get and didn't want to pack on the plane because obviously that's what bombs look like! Since it was really warm out I left the neoprene in my rental car and opted instead for compression wear socks/shorts/short sleeve and arms arms and SC3 shoes a little worse for wear. I made sure I had my timing chip on my wrist, my bib on (name front or back I never know), a headlamp with strobe and a black knit hat I'd toss just before crossing the start. Like Shark Bait I too wanted to look bad ass!
Let's get this party started!
Unlike West we didn't have to be corralled inside the barriers until 11:45. I stretched out and scanned the crowd for royalty and spotted TM King and Queen Ryan Atkins and Lyndsi Webster adjusting their matching head lamps that looked a lot more sophisticated then my $33 Black Diamond. Trevor Cichosz was nearby too and hoping to make a rebound from an injury since WTM and give Ryan a challenge for the $5k purse (and maybe also get that $5k bonus offered to the first to break 50 miles). Steph Bishop and fellow top female WTM racer Sarah Knight (I call them the OCR chess pieces) and Alison Tai were the top 3 seeds in a pre-race report I'd read which was surprising to me after Lyndsi had dominated at Toughest West. Race Director Nolan gave us the rules, Dos and Don'ts (and I wondered, does Nolan ever smile?!) and then the Mirror Man himself Sean Corville (who only smiles) appeared from the heavens or one of those floodlights I'm not sure which and gave us the speech with traces of new material juxtaposed with the old stuff we veteran Mudders crave hearing before going off to Tough Mudder war. He had us sing The Star Spangled Banner. He asked us to observe a moment of silence to those fallen and then he made us (without asking) recite the modified TM pledge about The Toughest being a race .... not being a selfish Jerk and that we do not whine and I like wine, etc. And then the digital race clock struck 12:00 and instead of turning into pumpkins we sauntered out into the red billowing smoke bombs I've learned to hold my breath through so I don't choke.
And they're off...
Right out the gate it was Go Lucky. Followed closely by Sea Biscuit....! Actually I'm going to assume it was Atkins, Cichosz, Woods and a dozen other young starts biting at the bit to get out front and into the forest. I found myself next to Webster just until we hit the first heavily wooded section where I couldn't hold on to her perfect pace. That was like the 1/4 mile mark! I could've stayed with her really but didn't want to. Ha! (She would past me twice more throughout the night in that exact same spot which was kinda depressing.) The trail got narrow but fortunately where things could have bottle-necked they didn't--at least not for me! The trail was strewn with fallen branches, root systems, and creek crossings rolling up and then suddenly down. I called out obstacles as a courtesy to those on my heels as I loped through the woods like an old dying wounded deer being hunted by wolves: "Branch!" "Root!" "Creek!" "Branch!" "Bear!" "Snake!" I was already delirious!
What was supposed to be an obstacle free lap turned out to not be the case as we rounded the corner and suddenly were up and over Pyramid Scheme. No worries. The duel ropes definitely helped. The pace was still quick and I was in perhaps 15th position thinking perhaps sub a :45 first lap pace was possible. We hurdled over another open obstacle, Lumber Jacked (three felled trees raised above the ground each slightly higher than the first) and on we went through the woods. I felt alive and on fire and genuinely happy and then we came to Mud Mile and it was Open and shit just got real!
Trench Warfare
Some sadistic person at TMHQ (it was Nolan wasn't it?) thought it would be a great idea to divide the regular Mud Mile in half and set it up so you go down one side and come back the other which creates 10-12 trenches to negotiate. And these weren't anything like the wimpy carved out mounds that we easily got over at Toughest West, No sir! The water trenches were 5 feet deep and the mounds 3 feet above the water level and slick and made up of only the best Georgia mud they could find. They were solid and compact and were impossible to do alone unless you maybe went to the side of the ditch (which I consider cheating). At this point I realized it was no longer every Mudder for himself but rather let me help you so you can help me to get through this! By the second trench I was slick with mud and had to be careful not to get blinded by the syrupy muck. Talk about a time suck, this was it. I eventually came to the last trench after exchanging Mud buddies a few times and was totally exhausted. Surely this would be the death of me if I had to do this 3-4 more times.
Wasn't the Walking Dead filmed here?
From Mud Mile we got to start skipping obstacles again and I managed to close out the first loop under an hour according to the digital clock at the Finnish/ Start line. I felt kinda chipper and best of all, not cold. Gotta love Georgia in late April! My knees were already a bit scraped up but that was it. The compression tights would have been a better call. The goal now was to use up more of the obstacle course "free time" on lap two before the inevitable.
Into the thick woods I went with a couple of other Mudder stragglers. Once again I barked out warnings: "Branch!" "Creek!" "Dip!" We threaded through the woods and I could hear the frogs croaking so loudly I thought they had their own little bullhorns. Bright spotlights, again with a billion gnats encircling, marked the next open obstacle Hold Your Wood 1.0. Simple task: pick up wood block, walk/run with wood about 1/3 Mile and drop wood. Onward. It was obvious as the first lap opened the second would be more upper body demanding with Hang Time, Funky Monkey, Reach Around/ Stage 5 Clinger and Kong.
In fact other than the God awful double Mud Mile and the rolling trails through the woods on lap one lap I had no problems. Whenever we came to an obstacle it was usually lighted up over the top extremely bright which would wreck my night vision. I tried using the old night trick of closing one eye as I went towards it and then opening the closed one and closing the open one. It half worked. Everest came up fast and there was a choice of regular Run up the ramp method or grab the knotted rope method. I chose the latter and I chose wisely because I was up and over relatively quick. Sean Corville was surprisingly at the top cheering Mudders on. So was a camera crew catching the action. I saw the clock was at 215 and got so pleased with my self I skipped the Pitt and out I went again for lap three.
Into the thick woods I went with a couple of other Mudder stragglers. Once again I barked out warnings: "Branch!" "Creek!" "Dip!" We threaded through the woods and I could hear the frogs croaking so loudly I thought they had their own little bullhorns. Bright spotlights, again with a billion gnats encircling, marked the next open obstacle Hold Your Wood 1.0. Simple task: pick up wood block, walk/run with wood about 1/3 Mile and drop wood. Onward. It was obvious as the first lap opened the second would be more upper body demanding with Hang Time, Funky Monkey, Reach Around/ Stage 5 Clinger and Kong.
In fact other than the God awful double Mud Mile and the rolling trails through the woods on lap one lap I had no problems. Whenever we came to an obstacle it was usually lighted up over the top extremely bright which would wreck my night vision. I tried using the old night trick of closing one eye as I went towards it and then opening the closed one and closing the open one. It half worked. Everest came up fast and there was a choice of regular Run up the ramp method or grab the knotted rope method. I chose the latter and I chose wisely because I was up and over relatively quick. Sean Corville was surprisingly at the top cheering Mudders on. So was a camera crew catching the action. I saw the clock was at 215 and got so pleased with my self I skipped the Pitt and out I went again for lap three.
Who turned the lights out?
No sooner had I entered the woods by myself my Headlamp went completely out and I was completely blind. With no one in front or behind me I was reduced to a slow zombie like walk with my hands out in front feeling my way through the trees. While there had been some orange caution tape in spots I was clearly not finding it now. I tried to get my sense of direction but it the pitch black it was impossible. I even felt for moss on one side of the trees but that didn't help at all. I was discovering just what was worse than getting lost! Getting lost in the dark!
After what seemed like :3 (but was probably only about 30 seconds), finally a three pack of Mudders' head lamps lit up an area 20 yards to my right where the actual path was. I scurried in their direction skinning up my shins and tripping over every branch I could. I missed keeping up with them but fortunately another two Mudders appeared that just happened to be my Mud buddy Joe Perry running alongside Katie Sullivan who is also very Tough. Yes! I latched on to them as best I could and it was good company as I suddenly began to get lightheaded and needed food. Mud Mile was the best with those two and we made it a five-some when 2nd Place over all finisher from Tougher NOLA Teresa and her friend joined us. So much fun. Once more the other obstacles like the double Berlin Walls and others became insignificant and a blur and after a mile lope through ankle high grass in the eerie fog I came to Everest and over we went still holding a conversation of sorts though mostly unintelligible.
After what seemed like :3 (but was probably only about 30 seconds), finally a three pack of Mudders' head lamps lit up an area 20 yards to my right where the actual path was. I scurried in their direction skinning up my shins and tripping over every branch I could. I missed keeping up with them but fortunately another two Mudders appeared that just happened to be my Mud buddy Joe Perry running alongside Katie Sullivan who is also very Tough. Yes! I latched on to them as best I could and it was good company as I suddenly began to get lightheaded and needed food. Mud Mile was the best with those two and we made it a five-some when 2nd Place over all finisher from Tougher NOLA Teresa and her friend joined us. So much fun. Once more the other obstacles like the double Berlin Walls and others became insignificant and a blur and after a mile lope through ankle high grass in the eerie fog I came to Everest and over we went still holding a conversation of sorts though mostly unintelligible.
Give me some food now!!!
I deviated from going right back to the start line right away. Sadly my ménage et cenq had dispersed but I needed a new headlight and as equally important I needed food: Now! I entered my #5 stable feeling like a little pony and tore through my duffle bag of food. Within two minutes I had consumed a can of cold chicken soup and a bagel and washed them down with several gulps of Tailwind and again wished I had some Ensure. It was 3:40 which meant I could go back on loop one and everything would essentially be closed. Sweet. I put on a neoprene cap for warmth, donned the new head lamp and out the door I went again.
The food had already instantly cleared my head and gave a rush. This free lap would put me at 20 miles and I would be invincible and the best and then Lyndsi passed me and I wanted to cry but instead cheered her with a cliche, "Nice Job!" And then a yelled, "Nice malamute!" To which she replied "Huh?!" But before I could go into how we had similar dogs according to Facebook she was goodbye girl again. Pyramid was closed, so was Hold Your Wood. Heck, no one was even at Lumber Jacked to tell you to do or not to do it! At Mud Mile I pleaded and begged to do it a fourth time but they told me no!! Gotta love the free lap! Lap four simply became a XC stroll that perhaps I took a little too casually as I went about the same as lap three! Lesson learned! Sprint that open obstacle lap!
The food had already instantly cleared my head and gave a rush. This free lap would put me at 20 miles and I would be invincible and the best and then Lyndsi passed me and I wanted to cry but instead cheered her with a cliche, "Nice Job!" And then a yelled, "Nice malamute!" To which she replied "Huh?!" But before I could go into how we had similar dogs according to Facebook she was goodbye girl again. Pyramid was closed, so was Hold Your Wood. Heck, no one was even at Lumber Jacked to tell you to do or not to do it! At Mud Mile I pleaded and begged to do it a fourth time but they told me no!! Gotta love the free lap! Lap four simply became a XC stroll that perhaps I took a little too casually as I went about the same as lap three! Lesson learned! Sprint that open obstacle lap!
Get her done!
At the Pitt I was super quick. I grabbed a neoprene-hood for Arctic Enema and my mini Camel Pak. I dumped my headlamp and strobe as it was getting light out and, well, I hate waring it. I chugged half a Diet Coke and ventured out for undiscovered country. At the corral we were directed to turn left this time to a winding gravel road leading away from the horse stables. As I ran down a grassy hill I started thinking how relatively easy this had all been. And than it wasn't.
Careful what you wish for
A mile later was Reach Around followed instantly by Stage 5 Clinger. The rails on Reach were slick and I failed the Muscle up to the top. I tried to do it again and slipped off. Wow that was pretty feeble and hurt too. This was probably my biggest obstacle struggle so far. I did end up getting it the first but not the second time. Doing the sister obstacle Clinger was easier a mere up and over. Another half mile of grass running I was swinging from the T-bar of Hang Time which I had dreaded after 2 failed attempts at West. But this time I grabbed on to the netting and immediately got my feet up and successfully made it over to transfer to the cable. The rest was easy to shimmy down. The second attempt I got cocky and didn't transition right and into the drink I went. Failure equals water and again meant more unnecessary mileage.
I was unpleasantly surprised to find the next obstacle was Hold Your Wood 2.0--appropriately named as the wood chunks were twice as heavy as the 1.0 version. I opted for a nice long deceivingly heavy piece of Oak and like an idiot tried to run with it and got all winded again. I was back to run/walking over the grassy hills of the farm land and made a note to find the secrets to race walking from one of those race walker guys I always see on my way to work each day. They move pretty fast for looking so.... uh... interesting !
Arctic Enema wasn't too bad chill wise although the double dunking I'm still getting used to. Mind you clear your head on the entry tube and the wood barrier you must go under or ouch! Also watch out for the submerged stairs at the end of the AE trough or they will bruise your shins. Another mile later I was able to thaw out enough to nail Funky Monkey both times but now know why my left shoulder has been aching since Toughest West. The transfer from the little wheel to the big wheel torques on it big time. Probably explains my inability to do pull ups besides my arms being too long! Alas another 1/4 mile penalty for that one!
We were back in the woods again which was ok because now I would be able to see all the Zombies. A small lake came into view and I wished aloud that nest would be the half mile swim. The two walking dead Mudders in ear shot range didn't find any humor in that. Carefully up and down Ladder to Hell and another mud stomp in Quagmire and then we came to Birth Canal and Black Hole which was my only line over 45 seconds of the day. Black Hole is basically Birth Canal but darker! Whatever.
Just before we reached the corrals my buddy Joe Perry passed me up and gave me some words of encouragement. His red star make up running down his face looked like tears. I tailed him a few seconds behind but took my time on Kong not wanting to do more penalty running that day or perchance they made EST the penalty like at West. I ended up once again with 30 miles just under 8 hours and earned "Contender" status again--Yeah! I collected the neat Toughest South patch and a 25 Mile patch and a free scoop of ice cream. Just kidding on the ice cream.
King Ryan Atkins had hit 50 miles once more earning him another cool $10k. His wife Lyndsi probably had a more impressive performance hitting 45 miles also getting $5k. Sheesh, I have work to do! I stuck around for the awards and champagne spray and then hauled my kit back the long dirt road back to my rental truck. Toughest South might just be the easiest Toughest of the 6 races. I kinda hope not.
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