If you haven't read any of my Toughest Blogs so far because a) they are usually posted five weeks after the event or b) because I often go off on random tangents, well, I'm "crushed"! Ok to reiterate Toughest Mudder Northeast is/was part of the inaugural six part Toughest Mudder series proposed by TMHQ for 2017. So far no one but myself and perhaps Will Dean--because I told him personally about my catchy little phrase--refers to the series as the "6 Pack" (maybe I'll be mentioned in his new book It Takes a Tribe coming out soon). So far there has been Toughest West in California (March), Toughest South in Georgia (April), Europe (May 13th) in Grantham just north of London and TMNE. I still have dirt in my parts from Coatsville, PA (May 20th). Upcoming are still the Toughests in Canada (June 17th) and finally Toughest Midwest in Chicago (August 23rd). They are all micro versions of the 24hour event known as WTM made famous by CBS and the 101 Facebook groups!
But first things first, if you just came here for race results go to this website:
https://results.toughmudder.com/toughmudder/south-toughest
Also for excellent pre and post race interviews with the Toughest Mudder Rock Stars and great race summary and recap check out Will Hick's Podcasts:
World's Toughest Podcast @worldstoughestpod
Ok, Question time
The # 1 question I get is Why are you doing all 6 Toughest Mudders? The answer is two-fold. Last year I got challenged to do the 22 push ups a day for 22 days in recognition of 22 veterans commiting suicide daily. While this was an honorable gesture I wanted to do something grander so I aimed for doing 220 miles at the 6 Toughest Events and at the Worlds Toughest Mudder in 2017.
It won’t be easy. I'm only averaging 30 per Toughest as they are a lot…well…Tougher than I imagined. Also, I’m not going to lie, I want to win the $10k Bonus for amassing the most miles at 3 Toughests so I won’t have to write blogs on my cracked mini Ipad and pay off all the Tough Mudders and WTM expenses from 2016 not to mention the bills stacking up for the 2017 Toughest races.
Do I think these two goals are realistic? Well, the mileage, yes, but the bonus, no. I think I'm in the Top 4 so far behind Tyler Nash 115, Ryan Atkins 100, Chad Trammell 95 and Moi at 90 but I have a feeling it will take 150+ miles (best 3 of 6 races) to win it with the winning combination for males being 50/50/50 and for females being 40/45/45 mileage not the 30/30/30 combo I’ve only managed so far! Ah, youth! Maybe there should be an age handicap: one mile per year of age over 30! Perfect!
The # 2 question is: Which Toughest is the Toughest?
Let's see if I can answer that while dishing about Toughest Mudder NorthEast (TMNE).
I ❤graphs, going off subject and most of all squirrels
To help settle the growing debate about which Toughest was actually the Toughest (so far) I built a graph type rubric with the following considerations:
Terrain (hills, grass, mud, sand, water, snow)
Air Temperature (average temps and high and low; can be made up or exaggerated)
Weather (Rains beats wind but can be trumped by snow: Whistler?! )
God Awful Obstacle G.A.O. (bruisers, time sucks, sadistic obstacle combinations, imposible to do when wet or alone, etc)
Mud Factor (mud to include texture, taste, run ability and how much you took home)
X Factor (without getting too personal something that affected your performance + or – externally. i.e. felt sick, extra nervous, broke my leg, bit by dog, etc.) Emojis are permitted because they are cute, unless they are stuffed pillows and then they are not)
I'm going to warn you just like pics and links I don't really do graphs. My last one was in 3rd grade so that's how it will look and you will have to imagine a lot as I compile the info and plug in the scores. (The stats -not me in 3rd grade Before they did ADHD diagnoses!)
For the rubric I will assign a point scale to each factor from 1-4 (low numbers are tougher and high ones easier). Then I'll simply add up the scores and I'll have the ranking from easier to harder. Hmm. Not so fast. Unfortunately like all rubrics including that cube that I could barely complete one side of at a time there are limiting factors to this survey, primarily that only four individuals have actually participated in all the Toughests so far so only they can partake in this process. (Elitist pricks - who do they think they are?) If I missed someone here (sorry Matty you are out) please email me if I didn't include someone). They are:
Jim Campbell (Punishment for teaching humans how to make fire).
Mellisa Dugan (aka Shark Bait). Cool fact: she once smuggled a bottle of wine in her foam rollar!
Sarah Knight (The other very capable OCR racer along with Steph Bishop whom I call the "Chess Pieces" that are not only beasts at WTM and the Toughest Mudder circuit but will no doubt solve the age old argument of which Chess piece really is the most valuable? How many non chess players did I lose on that one raise your hands!
Mark James (aka me, moi, TM Ambassador BRAND222, Aquaman, SEAL guy, Ironman, The Commander, Marko, Dad, Instructor James, Coach James or James. Just don't call me Jim or Jimbo or Jaimie as I once dated those 3 (not at the same time of course!))
I'll ask the other three Toughests to send me their scores. However as that might take a while (and because Jim still has a retraining order against me for hounding him for a Goat Tough hat and to get on his Goat Tough Team), I'm just going to show you my scores now:
1= Tougher. 4= Easier
Terrain
|
Temp
|
Weather
|
GAO
|
MudFactor
|
XFactor
|
Toughest
|
|
West
|
1
|
3
|
3
|
4
|
4
|
3
|
18 3rd
|
South
|
4
|
4
|
4
|
3
|
1
|
4
|
20 4th
|
Europe
|
3
|
2
|
2
|
1
|
2
|
1
|
11 Tied for 1st
|
NorthEast
|
2
|
1
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
2
|
11 Tied for 1st
|
This took 3 hours to make and gave me a headache. Apparently I might have to ask Allison Tai which one she thinks was the Toughest even though she only did two so far. I know, read these stats instead that I borrowed from Worlds Toughest Podcast:
Toughest Mudder Philly
717 started the race
208 completed 25 miles
29% qualified as contenders
Toughest Mudder Europe
775 started the race
254 completed 25 miles
33% qualified as contenders
Toughest Mudder Atlanta
444 Started the race
270 completed 25 miles
61% qualified as contenders
Toughest Los Angeles
336 started the race
153 completed 25 miles
46% became contenders
Lower percentage = Toughest Race
Different method but almost the same results in my book (coming out June 2027- like me!)
Cut to the chase
I’ve forked around going back to work and neglected to finish this post on the airplane and now____ days have gone by. I keep adding another day as I edit this I’m just going to leave the # blank I’m so hopeless. Now this is old news and Jonathon Brodecker and Whitney Tilson have already gotten their TMNE reports out on FB and they are both excellent (mostly because they mention me) and also fun to read. Tough Mudder writer and WTM Green jersey winner Jade Belzberg also did a great write up too. Everyone should write about their Mudder experience if not to inspire or motivate others than at least to document the level of mental instabilities they truly have--I'm talking about me not you!
Registration eventually opened around 930pm. TMHQ has discovered the best way to get 800 Toughest Mudders through in a hurry is to do it by lining up by last name alphabetically. I bet if they gave away free beer it would be even faster. Bravo. No hassles and I even remembered to bring my signed waiver this time. Like two peas in a pod Toughests and I were both improving race by race.
Pitt set up was very similar to the single large white tent they had at Toughest Europe and there was ample room for all of us to stage our gear. Some of the early birds had tables and others had the space below the tables that weren’t as nice. I pitted by the Brodakers because they are the only husband and wife Mudders I know that recognize me by name and laugh at most of my jokes and make me feel good. My 2017 75 WTM buddy Whitney Tilson (also 50 years old) had driven down with me from New York city where I had flown in the night before along with Marshall who was attempting his 2nd ever Mudder event.
By 11:35 most Mudders had wandered over to the start line where the rock music was playing. I think it plays loop of songs specifically designed for Tough Mudder events. It’s either hard rock or Irish sounding folk music. Regardless it worked and I liked it. Before leaving the tent I had deliberated about wearing a wet suit. Ken Jacobs had put out a warning order on FB to wear a wetsuit after being on the course earlier. He mentioned open fields and the temps dropping to the 40s and a polar bear sighting. But I remembered how I had torn off my wetsuit at Toughest South and Toughest Europe in the first 2 miles and even though it was chilly woo I decided to just go for it in my 2XU compression socks, tights, short sleeve T and arms along with my TM orange knit hat. This would be my last race in the Solomon Speed Cross 3's I had on as the outer edges were ripped and collected extra mud and pebbles. No bueno.
I put on my Black Diamond head lamp, also on its last race as it's brightness fluctuated between way bright and nada. Spend $75+ on a good headlamp people. For food this time I was prepared with 6 Chocolate extra protein Ensure drinks, Tailwind in a Camel Bak, squeeze bags of applesauce and 2 ripe bananas. A Chipotle carna asada burrito from two hours prior would tide me over the next 8 hours. Best bet is to not be too full starting these events. Being too empty was also a bad thing I found out 9 hours later!
Sad news
Course Director Eli gave us the play by play on the rules as I sat and stretched in my usual spot up front just to the right of the blow up starting line. There was still twenty minutes remaining on the clock. I heard Ryan Atkins and Lyndsi Webster weren't racing due to Ryan injuring his foot running across Canada or something Forest Gumpian. Trevor Cichosz (pronounced Psycho OCR champ) was there along with Mark Jones and Austin Azar whom I recognized by his Canada flag tattoo on his left shoulder blade. I wonder where he was from?
Sarah Knight and Steph Bishop were there too representing the top OCR women along with Alison Tai. 750 or more had signed up for this race and 717 actually started it. Sean beamed down to join us from the heavens and his message--though inspirational as always-- was unusually somber. Sean spoke of the fellow WTM Mudder Ian Panter who had been in a horrible car accident earlier that day and was in a coma. Wow. Shit like this puts things into perspective in a hurry. My Mudder brother Joe Perry who always paints his face and head with clown paint had Ian's name in silver on his left cheek of his purple colored face and head. This was his tribute to his fallen friend. Joe was visibly shaken and I felt he was debating about even racing tonight.
I asked him what Ian would have done if roles were reversed? He would want Joe to race his guts out! I didn't know Ian but I thought about him throughout the night and though I'm not very religious said a prayer for him. Incidentally five days later Ian is still in the hosiptal and in dire shape. Several fundraisers are being held to help defray costs. Godspeed!
Pace yourself for 8 hours not 2
With 30 seconds before lift off E Roc made a guest appearance and gave us a pump up speech getting me mostly out of the negative news trance and into positive race mode. I can't remember any of what he said but E Roc is one of those high energy cool "bros" that we all wanted to hang with in college who only inspires. I really didn't think as much of him until he joined me in the 60 mile club at WTM last year and stuck with his buddy we all know and love as Coach. If you haven't seen that Emmy worthy footage of them both check it out.
I don't recall if it was a gunshot, whistle or horn but when midnight hit we were off and into the night. I tried to lasso onto Jones and Azar on the right side of the down hill hard pack trail but they we're hauling ass and after one minute I backed off. It was stampede-like and reminded me of my mass start cross country running days in high school. My mantra was "Pace. Pace. Pace." I didn't want to blow up and have to walk like I'd done in the past. I also wanted to get as far along before the obstacles opened up. Conundrum. We were told the first lap all obstacles were closed but I'd heard that before and knew not to believe anything. The Toughests had now morphed from doing two separate loop races where half the obstacles closed at 3:45 and were never seen again (West and South) to one loopers like at ETM when all obstacles opened and remained open 2am-8:30 with no free lap in between.
This feels fast ... because it was
Downhill, not too steep and hard pack wide trail; what a reprieve from the thick soggy grass at ETM. Soon we were at Mud Mile which was closed. Flood lights showed them off. The mounds looked smooth and high and uncut through and would be a real bastard to get over solo. We were steered around them and I felt the first feel of sloshy mud under my feet and the first elevation gain up to the 8 foot high wooded Skid Marked sloped wall. This obstacle would become surprisingly difficult through the night as the mud from Mud Mile transferred to the top of it making it extra slick.
Volunteers continued to wave us through each obstacle and the orange tape and orange arrows I now see when I sleep guided us from grass to dirt trail to mud back to grass again. Never did it seem truly flat just up and then down but not as extreme as West. There were several sections where the trail was alongside the slope of a hill making footing awkward and I could feel the unevenness already straining my ankles, hips and calves. So far everything had been closed as promised and as I glanced over my shoulder I took in the trail of Toughests Mudders behind me. "That would make a great time lapse!" I heard someone say. 600 plus mini headlamps like one long streak of light moving as one.
Oh this feels good
I wasn't cold. My heart wasn’t doing that awful thing it sometimes it does beating too fast and out of sync when I’m too nervous, dehydrated or worn thin. My pace was spot on and I was content with where I was in the pack maybe top 30. With a lot of people on the course I worried time getting wasted in line. Its one thing to lose time helping other Mudders on obstacles which I feel obliged to do. It’s another waiting for Mudders ahead of me to get over something.
I think Quagmire was the first thing to open and then Pitfall. Both these open pit mud holes were the first and second to get my shoes and body up to my torso mud soaked. No biggie. Up another hill and down one and then we came to a little creek crossing with a 4 foot long wooden plank of a bridge across. Cute. Another hill and we were back to a closed Kong and the finish line. Time hack: I was :49 minute mark and wanted to go faster and skip more and run all night. I didn't dare pitt. I had :11 of obstacle free time to play with and used it up until 0100 when half the obstacles came alive and how appropriate that it was Blockness Monster!
Without hesitation I leapt in to the shoulder depth water joining three others and we worked together rotating the blocks over perfectly. The two guys and a gal were all pros at this and worked in sync and most importantly together pulling, pushing, climbing and helping one another. When the 4 of us cleared the first block we did the same to the second and probably cleared Blockness under 2 minutes. Being completely soaked was a reality check that things would get worse and I had to be careful not to get hyperthermia which I have had before and renderd me more stupid then usual. Cold also plays a number on motivation making one second guess why they are out here in the first place. Cold noted. I ran to try and warm myself and tugged my orange knit hat down around my ears.
Pyramid Scheme with the 7 foot ropes was next followed by a half mile of open field where I noticed the night temps really starting to falling and my wet clothing clung to me sucking out any warmth. Run harder faster to warm up was my mind set and next I came to Everest which had just opened and like a wuss I went for the Grappler half where instead of running up the slope, you have the option to toss a rope with a handball at the end of it up and over wooden plywood that had V shape cut outs and slots for the ball and ropes to catch thus providing a rope climb. I tossed my entire rope a little too hard and it went up and over the V and disapeard. The volunteer was on strict orders not to assist in any way but offered advice and encouragement. I tossed another and this one caught. “Navy Man” I boasted as I climbed the rope searching for the knots and discovered by trial and error that if I stepped directly on the rope I could make better progress on the slippery plastic slope. I grabbed the V of the plywood and was up and over.
Over Hill and Over Dale
Down towards Augustus Gloop we dared to go and it was fortunately closed and the volunteers warned us it would open at 2 am. Fine with me. I didn’t want to get any colder at this point. Of course the next obstacle had to be Arctic Enema and it just had be open! I went up with another Mudder and we both hit the water together. The water level was high and almost to the cage that was three feet before the wooden beam you must go under. It’s one of the most unsettling sections of any one obstacle and you just have to go for it.
The gal next to me hesitated before the beam and I tried to reassure her with kind words “Get your skinny ass underwater!” I yelled. Just kidding. I said “Let’s go girl!” I dunked under and waited for her to appear. She didn’t for a few seconds so I reached back and felt her arm and helped her out. Good Karma. She was greatful and then proceeded to go off into the night and probably lapped me.
Funky Monky was closed yeah but Stage Five Clinger wasn’t boo! Stage 5 is tricky and only made worse if the bars get wet or muddy. I did them reverse monkey bar style, hooked my feet on the verticle 2x6 boards supporting the base and manouvered to the upper bar or the “reach around” section if you will. A slight kip up and my feet managed to get on the wooden blocks I hadn’t noticed before providing some leverage to up and over. Wow that thing kicked my butt!
Down hill to Balls To The Wall usually always fun unless its cold, or muddy or you have no grip strength left and you are in a hurry like me in about 6 more hours. I knew Operation was next and I was about to skip it but it wasn’t open yet so I was back at Quagmire with its mud soup and shortly after Black Hole both of which I’d already done on lap one. In between I didn’t realize was Black Hole also known as Birth Canal only darker which wouldn’t open until 2 also. An insult of a hill lead up to Kong and I got there just in time not to do it. Part of me wanted to Pitt so I did stopping long enough just to chug an Ensure and zip past the Start line for lap 3.
A wee bit loch tonite t’isn’t?!
Temps were in the 40s now. I could tell from being able to see steam in my breath. I promised after this lap I would put on my full wetsuit no matter how troublesome and time consuming it was to don. Running faster didn’t help warm me up it just made the cool night air penetrate the fabric of my compression gear at a greater speed. Mud Mile was open now and it was a slosh pit of trying to find someone to work with and reciprocate. Several two person pairs were already getting it done and I assisted with one couple who were struggling. “Put your foot in my hands and I’m going to boost you up!” I told one guy. He did as was told and he was nice enough to turn around and lend me his hand for an assist. Bravo. That is how Mud Mile is done. Four humps and we were out and scrambling to Skid Marked already mud slicked.
The next open obstacle of the night was Hang Time, the modified King of Swingers. I took the far left Tbar and noticed there was still some black tape on it. Bonus grip! I leapt, swung, and grabbed on to the netting and quickly let go of the Tbar. I stuck my feet into the cargo net and transferred to the cable easily sliding down to the base. Great feeling. I didn’t have as much luck on Funky Monkey however as I slipped off the second wheel which cost me a wet plunge and hill climb penalty. Darn. My mind was starting to wander and I was starting to doubt myself and my worth. Translation: Hyperthermia was setting in.
Ok, one more mile, I reminded myself and struggled a bit with the simplest of obstacles like Balls to the Wall and Ladder From Hell. I don’t know how I made it into the Pitt but I did. I stripped everything off down to my shorts and stuggled into my full 3mm wetsuit. I had lost dexterity in my fingers and an angel came out of nowhere and helped me get the top of my suit on. I put the soggy bib on and then went for my shoes. The left shoe wouldn’t fit. What the? Did my feet swell up? I took off my socks and tried again but still the shoe did not fit. Then I realized I was trying to put on Whitneys shoe that was the exact same make but two sizes smaller. Stupid mistake. I left the one sock off and put on my shoes. I’d wasted enough time and needed to be out there already.
Ahoy Matey
Lap four was not very memorable apart from the fact that running in a wetsuit is harder. Resistance on the leg and arm muscles and against the chest only impedes everything but I was greatful for the warmth. I had also put on a 3mm wetsuit hood that I’d picked up at a surf shop. After 15 minutes I was thawing out and no longer felt lathargic and that I might not make it. Going through the water obstacles was a treat as well as crawling over mud mounds and wooden beams. Ok, I was going to make it.
I ran into Douglas Hughes, a 54 year old guy I had only just met on Skid Marked. He had changed into an old sweatshirt and resembled a character from a Hemingway novel or perhaps Hemingway himself. He looked old like me but strong and doing exceptionally well. He was used to doing Spartans and this was his first Tough Mudder. We ran together for a bit and then he disappeared into the night. For the remainder of the event I didn’t really partner up with anyone. I was on a mission to go 30 miles and was focused on full speed ahead. Occasionally a top runner would buzz past me like Cichosz or Austin. At Clinger I hit the top the same time Mark Jones did and recognized him as that real fast Canadian guy and top performer at WTM (I should mention that I am still only on my third season of doing OCR and have only done Tough Mudders so I’m still learning who is who). I called him out: “Hey you are Mark Jones!” I told him. He kinda nodded. “Well I’m Mark James!” We climbed down the back side of Clinger and he held his fist out for bump. Kinda cool.
Manipulating time
I finished my fourth lap and still had just over three hours to go. I figured at the current rate of speed in the wetsuit I wouldn’t be able to do two more laps so at the Pitt I took it off and chose to run in running shorts and a tshirt with the Toughest Bib over it. I kept my neoprene hood but dumped the headlamp as it would soon be light out. I chugged two full Ensures and put my Camel Bak with Ensure on. I had lost more time changing and needed to be moving now.
And I will tell you lap 5 was a blurr. It was if I took a nap and sleep walked the entire thing and was back. The digital clock was at 0659. I had until 0830 to complete my last lap. It was a risk but I went for it. The good thing was I had already hit the coveted 25 mile mark so this extra five was a bonus lap and possibly what I needed to secure the age group win and plunk some more miles towards that 10k bonus. I was surprised I hadn’t been double lapped yet meaning even the big guns like Cichosz, Austin and Jones were going to only hit 40 miles.
At ETM I had called it quits with 1:06 left on the clock because I knew I couldn’t do a last lap fast. But here I had roughly 1:35 and had to go for it. I had gotten chilled again on my fifth lap not wearing a wetsuit but it wasn’t as bad as at 0300. The sun was coming up and the temps were crawling back into the fifties. If I just kept moving I could do this. Down the hill alone I went and up and over and into the Mud Mile I jumped. One guy was in there by himself and stuck. I helped him up two mounds and he helped me and by then the other mounds were doable solo.
I ran through the muck up to Skid Marked and twice failed to grip the top of the wooden beam. It was so coated with mud it was ridiculuous. I tried to wedge my foot through and as I began to slip a younger guy gave me a boost over. Thanks buddy. I didn’t have a watch on so every obstacle I came to I asked them for the time. Minutes were burning up and I was down to an hour left. Then a half an hour and then 20 minutes.
I failed Hangtime and Funky in my haste and took the extra running penalties. I opted out at Clinger and Operation and took more penalties. My Camel Bak tube ripped off and I discarded it along with my hat after Arctic Enema trying to shed weight and save time. I started to space out and forget what obstacles I had done and still had to do. I could hear Sean on the microphone giving us time hacks and now there was :10 minutes left and there was no way I was going to make it.
Believe in yourself
I had fallen off Hangtime thirty minutes earlier and not only took a plunge I had to take the walk of shame penalty which elongated the regular route to Ladder From Hell. My body was shutting down and I wished I had gulped the coke I had at the Pitt but I hadn’t. I was bonking. Simply put I was the car running on fumes and about to stop running. I recognized the signs having done it in racing and training before. All senses are lost. Life seems meaningless and you just want to crawl into the fetal position.
I started walking and had given up when I looked to my right and saw Kailey Brodhacker. She looked like me only better. Here she was going for lap 5 and not giving up. The odds were against her. We high-fived gave some words of encouragement and we were both off and running. She would finish :3 minutes or so after the 8:30 cut off but took it like champ when most Mudders would have stayed in the Pitt and called it a day. I was inspired by this and despite loosing it physically I fought mentally and did what I could for forward momentum.
Aint going to make it
5 minutes isn’t a very long time for most things. I used to run a mile in 5 minutes and once did that for 500 yards of freestyle (with fins). I came close to breathholding for :5 and almost passed out too once. But here I was with three obstacles left and a hill and potentially a sand bag carry if I didn’t make Kong-again! I tried to calculate the distance, time, pace and odds. I tapped into all of my mantras and as silly as this might sound prayed almost aloud for Gods strength to help me. I say silly because this was not war, nor was this life threatening or dire but simply self inflicted pleasure.
I asked my late grandfather Papu, a distance runner in his day, for strength and thought of Ian in a hospital bed and how lucky I was. And then I got desperate. I scoured the dirt before me for any remnant of food that I could consume for strength. No luck, and as I approached Kong, I had trouble making it up the wooden beams one by one I was so dizzy. At the top I didn’t see the cross beam and pegged my forehead on it almost knocking me backwards. Ouch!
I skipped the rings and splayed out so that I would hit the air bag back first, rolled off and fell to the ground. :1 countdown had started. As I came to my feet I noticed half buried in the dirt a GU mostly consumed and discarded. Without hesitation I picked it up, tore it in half and got a taste of coffee mud flavor. It was just the pick up I needed. I ran to the sandbag carry and picked one up and I was running like Forest Gump carrying Lt. Dan. I could hear the countdown in my head and as I dumped the sand bag I made my way past the red carpet under the timing system and made it with about 15 seconds to spare. I collapsed under a tree and thankfully Whitney had a Coke and Gatorade standing by. 30 miles mission accomplished!
Recovery Time
I’m fried. The Toughests are taking their toll on me and so is this writing stuff. Goal in next few weeks is to recover. Get some trail runs in. Work on upper body pull and grip strength and rethink my wardrobe for Whistler. Oh and I might do the San Diego Marathon for fun on the 4th!
