Sunday, April 9, 2017

TOUGHER(EST) MUDDER ARIZONA

Did you ever have that dream where you either overslept or got lost and missed your race and it started without you?  Harrowing right?  Well that’s kinda what happened to me yesterday at the Arizona Tougher Mudder.   While I didn’t oversleep, I did get lost driving to the race venue.   I blamed Siri of course for the misdirect but it wasn’t her fault.   I had programed only part of the race site address in the Maps App on my Iphone which took me 20 miles in the wrong direction.  Lots of expletives on the I10 West and then I10 East that morning my friends!  And when I finally got to the Tough Mudder site at 0755 (:10 minutes after the Tougher Wave left) there was a looong sloowww moving parking process that  took :15 minutes longer than it should have. Leaving the parking lot 5 hours later was twice as long and almost as  painful but fortunately this was my only real complaint about Tough Mudder Arizona!

I ran half a mile from my General Parking spot directly to the Info tent.  Bless the attendant’s heart for still giving me a Tougher race number that I had spent the extra $30 for which paid off allowing me to charge full speed ahead of the corrals and the start line with their sheriffs and TMHQ officials enforcing start times.  Yep!

So what is it like starting the Tougher wave :30 minutes after the wave has left?  Well it’s much like doing a Tough Mudder only with a twisted sense of urgency that I could actually catch up and still win.   Yes, I had illusions that I could pull a Ryan Atkins and make up all that time on folks like Wesley Kerr.  Ha.  Not a chance!

The first couple miles of the course were flatter than flat (a welcomed sight after doing Toughest LA two weeks ago).  There were a few scattered mud pits and mud crawls to slow my 7:30 minute mile pace down.  For the most part the course was very dry sandy trail which occasionally crossed portions of old forgotten runway or freeway from what seemed like the 1800s.  I expected cacti but didn’t see a single one--only waste level brush stunted by the Arizona climate and wind. 

At mile two, I came upon the familiar Berlin Walls (old-school style) and then Skid Marked where I started to catch the wave that left before me.  Shortly after was Buddy Carry (I think Tougher contenders had to actually carry sand bags instead.  I would have gladly taken a 25lb sand bag any day over the 200lb guy I had to carry).  Still I scurried on frantically as I saw they were beginning to remove the ropes off of Pyramid Scheme which I wouldn’t get to for another mile.  Nooo!   I don’t care who you are--doing Pyramid Scheme without the ropes and by yourself is next to impossible.  I have done it only once and still have the scars to prove it!  

But alas I got there and the ropes were gone!  Insert unhappy emoji!  And it was at this point I realized it was just time to chillax and immerse myself in the true Mudder spirit and work with others and began assembling mudders into a pyramid of bodies to conquer this unforgiving obstacle.  And this was a good thing because who was I kidding running at 7:30 pace anyway?

At Everest there were two volunteers at the top helping out in true Mudder fashion.  “You are # 16!”  one of them told me as he grabbed my extended hand and hoisted me over.   For a moment I thought I had actually moved into 16th place.  “Yep we are going to help 100 people up and over Everest before we move on!”   Wow!  These guys are what makes Tough Mudders so awesome.

At the 5 mile mark there was a split for the Half Mudder and the Full.  The latter took us back into the desert tundra away from Sean’s voice trailing in the distance.  I could hear fragments of it:  “Your best……make you….better!”

Just like at NOLA last month we Tougher Mudders were required to complete all obstacles including carrying the 40lb bag of ice to Arctic Enema.  Once again this was a welcome evolution as it was starting to get Arizona hot.   The ice felt soo good on my neck and back as I half jogged to my favorite obstacle.   The new version is crueler than last years in that you have to fully submerge twice and do a little breathholding to get under the wire cage and wood beam.

Mud mile was extra slick and the water truck came by and gave us a good dousing of water in his mission to keep the trenches full.  I had my usual technique of boost a person up by their foot and then have them in turn  pull me up.  Takes some coordination but I got through it fine.   The mud in Arizona is very unique in that within minutes it dries and cakes on, giving you a reptilian look.  I even left to the airport without rinsing off (yeah, I know, gross, but the lines were too long) and it felt as if I were wearing compression socks. Only they were comprised of those layers of dried caked on mud!

Snot Rocket (formally Augustus Gloop- I wonder if there was a copyright issue?!)  provided a welcomed shower and when I went though the water was relatively clean and tasted like pool water.  The line wasn’t too bad on my first lap but two hours later when I came to it again the line was at least :25 long and I skipped it. Mind you, of course I did feel guilty about skipping!

Stage 5 Clinger was a bruiser this time.  I watched the guy in front of me try and do a back rollover but had his arm placed between his legs and he completely botched it.  I did a monkey bar, half muscle-up with a wrap my ankle around the 2x6 wood frame and groped and groaned and got her done.

I knew I was nearing the end of this course and I was excited to see Mudders I had known from other races and new ones.  I always get dismayed when I see a friend on the course and he tells me it’s his/her first Mudder and when I ask if they used my Ambassador discount code and they tell me, “No!” (BRAND 222—use it or pass it on to a first-time Mudder on my behalf.)

Funky Monkey I’ve discovered is the reason my left shoulder is out of whack.  Whenever I make the transition from the small wheel to the big wheel something clicks.  I need to do more pull-ups and Monkey Bar work…and I should probably run more and drink less wine but that’s another story.

Kong was the last Chimachunga right after the 10 mile mark and I was concerned that they had gone back to having the Tougher competitors lunge further out for that first ring where I slipped at the NOLA venue as I mentioned in my last post.   It was only after I saw another older guy nail it in front of me that I look the leap and got it also on my first try.  He was a truer mudder however as he ventured down to do EST which I once again bypassed for fear of death.

Once again the coveted Tougher Mudder headbands were noticeably absent.  TMHQ is going to be spending a fortune mailing those things to us.  They should just tell us the cool wristband and Tougher T-shirts all we get….oh and that first wave start time at 07:45!

I finished and tried to go right into a second lap but had to wait in the Standby section for at least :20 which was ok as I got to stretch and soak in Sean’s spiel which I almost know by heart by now.    I saw some familiar Legionnaire faces and few 75 and 50 mile WTM bibs.  I wore my 8-hour bib from Toughest LA (the series I hope to complete all six races in this year).  

My second loop was much more relaxed and I put on my Ambassador hat and tried to help out wherever I could.   Lines got extremely long on Ladder From Hell, Snot Rocket and Stage 5 Clinger.   I took probably an hour longer on my second lap and had only enough time to slog down one beer (local brew Deschuth Brewery).   I did a deck change at my car and then sat through the parking lot exit nightmare.


Tough(erest) Mudder Arizona   Grade B-  (cuz of parking)

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